A quick reminder… This is my blog’s title. I would like it to be visible whenever anyone visits my place. Simply Soothing- Bits and pieces of a lingering nostalgia, a camera roll of disappointments, and an infinite chain of hopes.
Greater confidence diminishes your need for approval.
This quote with its endlessly embedded meanings gives me the courage to go on and dare to be different against all the odds. What I know for sure is that awakening starts from the inside and only if we admit our mistakes will we be able to reach a state of clarity.So forgive yourself, dare anyway, and listen with all your heart.
Amidst these dark times, the absence of clarity, and the constant search for understanding eyes, my Hope lingers. It grows at an incredible pace,rooted in love and confidence, watered and cared for. It could be forgotten, but it defies the whirling winds of change and dares the risk of defeat. ” Hope”: What is in that word that multiplies the resistance in our cells and being? What healing powers has it got that could guarantee a safe back home return? The word could be abstract, yet so fueled with meanings of comfort and a secure sense of reliability.It could be the light at the end of the tunnel as many of you may call it, or it could simply be that virtual sanctuary you check in and out at your moments of despair. I resolve to rank it with an abundant gratitude. Yes, a wordless and silent gratitude. It is the second chance to pursue life with all your might. Hope empowers you with endurance to accept and resist less with a knowing heart that a morning light will shine on you . For these and many countless reasons, my solid will has chosen the word ” Hope” for my delicate mini Bonsai plant. Caring for it made me a better believer in little things that count, in inner peace that should be practiced from within rather than obtained, and a nourisher of stillness that should be contained in our hearts and stretched. I think this was a Godly gift to chime in with the awakening of my heart and soul.
It is incredible how time flies by and whirls around. The pages of your history fold rapidly and hammer your head with harsh memories that leave you breathing hard or such ” wish – for” and ” better than a dream” memories. of course, I am envisioning the marvels of the latter one. Long-lasting memories come in different tastes and lingering sentiments. Don’t you still remember the first time you allowed the breeze to touch your beautiful skin? What about walking bare feet and feeling the warmth of every grain of sand? A baby could relate to the warmth of his mother’s arms, a kid might relate to the first time he hurried to catch that ice-cream man along with his friend and feeling the glory of tasting that ice-cream cone. Memories could be as simple as the first gentle kiss you had on your lips or the time you decided to run wild and crazy and walk home under the hard sheets of the pouring rain and feeling so free and invincible. A small, and ever-so-meaningful picture attacks me now : how I used to cozy up by the chimney with my angelic grandmother where the place was so dim and listening to her kind voice narrating all heroic accounts of my dad and how blessed we are. One day, my fair, little pearl , my Mia will have her own memories to cherish and treasure. I am doing my best to fill them up all with warmth, and attention. The last thing I would love to do before I shut my eyes is to open up her heart and find these words etched with all care of the world, ” I could never get enough of my mom’s hugs, they are always lasting.” So why am I feeling so emotional and committed to every word I am typing here? In few days, the biggest piece of my heart is turning two! I don’t know why my tears are rolling down my cheeks, perhaps it is the honor of having Mia growing step by step and finding that nothing is as graceful and heart-melting like her all. It is the flood of memories again that makes me smile . The year I wanted to have my own baby, I wished for a little girl. I thought this is too much to ask for , but I prayed to God to give me the gift of motherliness, after all it’s my utter driven love. I stumbled many times and I thought that I had to accept that maybe it’s not meant to happen. I felt every single joy of life was robbed of its essence , it was so tasteless. The day I knew I was pregnant I bounced and screamed and wanted to shout a big ” Thank you God, I am in debt” ! At that point, I felt you started to change me, I became so cheerful and expecting of life. My greatest relief was touching my tummy and knowing that you kicked in response to embrace life, gave me all good night sweetest dreams. Later on, your daddy marched on and he was involved in every step.Speaking of your daddy, he’s the most understanding and supportive friend you would wish to follow in his footsteps. He’s now dying to help you reach independence and freedom. The past year passed too quickly, we watch you grow with unconditional love. We count from the break of the dawn till midnight all Mia’s favorites and pet peeves. It is so extreme that we bore people with endless funny stories of you. Mommy, when I look at you, I only see a lady that makes my world go round. Your morning smile always drops down my worries and fears. You walk with a touch of confidence and yet with all modesty. You steal attention with a never-fading giggle and you cheer for joy. You are very free-spirited , my butterfly. You enjoy running so wild, chasing other kids, and simply laugh cluelessly. I pray to God that I will turn out to be an extraordinary, “there-for-you” mom. You shall never be able to resist the warmth I offer you, or find a better home than my sheltering arms and compassionately understanding eyes. I don’t think I am only willing to walk an extra mile for you, I would walk , run, and chase everything for your sake. You will always be my little baby despite your wisdom and insightfulness. We’re almost done with your ” firsts” for this year and together we are going to explore your world. I keep talking to my heart silently and saying, “I don’t want to see an ounce of pain housed in Mia’s eyes and that’s an imperative! These eyes were only meant to flow with love !”. Mia , I will teach you how to live and let go. To forgive when necessary, but not to forget the lessons learned. Walk with an attitude, my girl! You were born to shine . Take my hand, my darling young one! Happy 2nd birthday, my blossom and the biggest piece of my heart!
The rose-pink light of dawn, the stillness of the cosmos, and the readiness to embrace a new day is what completes me every day. An angel cups my cheeks within the palm of her hands this morning and whispers, ” Come along with me and let’s take a five-minute walk and forward this day on to count all the little blessings in your life . ” The first sight that hooks my attention is my children lying in their beds so peacefully. “Count the first blessing,” her voice echoes. ” Is not that a privilege to be there for them every hour and every day and isn’t it quite miraculous that they wake up every day more blissful than ever?” . I have to agree! As we move on, I delightfully allow the breeze to tickle my senses and shake my heart with a feeling of gratitude. ” Oh yeah and that too. You are enjoying this appreciation of all nature’s bounties. So it counts, too.” Our third stop is compelled by the aroma of freshly baked croissants and a cup of coffee. ( Oh yeah angels can develop addictions. Well, at least in my fantasy ! 🙂 ) So I hurry and acknowledge , ” I admit this is another blessing, being able to feel hunger and satisfy it . Appetite is underrated! Riding the storm of pregnancy has at least taught me that.” My angel smiles intuitively and says, ” What about the shades of colors? You are given the power of sight and vision. You can marvel at all what surrounds you and read through people’s eyes and souls. This tells you something as well.” My inner voice interrupts this picturesque conversation and hums along, ” What about the grand heart that drives you to be all so compassionate with others? Deduct that from your life and observe how your desires turn you into a bundle of material, a physical being and sentiments-demanding! “. As soon as the morning light breaks in, my angel bids me farewell and gives my fetching eyes a look that beheld endless answers. ” God has sent me along to guide you towards your hopes that you have unintentionally shut an eye upon. This is only a glimpse. Now it’s up to you to cherry-pick bits and pieces of the reality that appeal to you. God’s word on that, count those little blessings. Make it a ritual.”
Hand in hand we witnessed every moment.You run deep in my blood, you are the maestro of all my heart’s rhythms and the guardian of my dreams. I have so much faith in you, my son. The first moment I knew I am carrying you in my womb, it was music to my ears ! You were that gift wrapped in a blanket and carried safely to me! My life was full of springs and you were that soft, pleasant, and tickling life breathing through me, sleeping harmoniously, and receiving my smiles with all your grip! Your first kick made me feel secure, that this life in you is calling out for my help and nurturing! We did stumble and fear, but we were inseparable. It was unconditional. ( Loving you and knowing you more than anything on this earth). I felt alone at many instants, I suffered and stood back on my feet , but knowing that we will meet again painted the grey skies blue again and took my hand to a faraway place where I could only envision you full of beaming rainbows . Life seemed to me a bowl of cherries ! I hold you now in my arms wishing to shelter you from any harm and would absolutely dare to afford the highest of prices to kick away the silliest reason for those deep blue eyes to tear and break my heart. What do I see in you, my darling, young one? I see that cute,helpless boy holding my little finger and asking me all those meaningless question and I see myself in return with that grin that stretches from one ear to another. I can catch a smile from another age where I would run to you squeezing you in my arms. Another milestone seems to attack me now, a time where you can not fall asleep and I would be there next to you singing you lullabies until your eyes shut softly. The strikingly satisfying vision of you is to have you there with your eyebrows crossed, your arms tightened, and your mind lost. I would be there to hear all about that extraordinary woman who could change my son’s life upside down. I see in you, my son, a man that bows to standards that only ladies act up to. I see in you my armor, my defense, one million souls in one that would obliterate anything that might cause your family harm. Yet, I see in you all the love of the world mirrored in your eyes, all youthfulness geared by your dreams, and all comfort of your within and without driven by your faith in God. Here’s to you, Ray! The man whose eyes embraced life only when I prayed it so wholeheartedly at the break of the dawn. So, it was a morning so soothing and calm despite all the suffering that camouflaged it. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to give you wings to fly and have you land on endless skyscrapers of realized dreams. I know the day you get to read this, I would have grown old . But even if I didn’t live up to that day or I have failed to show you my infinite devotion, You: My son make me proud, you are the peak of my hopes and the ray of light that shines on me every moment and every day. No matter what you choose to define your DNA of manhood, I will be watching every step and smiling that my angel made it to every lady’s heart and is hereby crowned, prince charming of this universe!
I think about you feverishly . There is not a dawn without your mentioning! My goodnight sleep commences when I could feel you ! My love completes your love. You turn me into a sober, a very aware being ! That’s you my baby boy , even though our eyes have never met ! It is the call that you silently answer, the love that keeps you warm in my womb, and the dreams you have my eyes glow with. God answered a secret prayer I had deep down inside, and I couldn’t be any prouder ! I know I will caress your dreams, take your hand and help you grow into a real man, and then I will set you free as a bird to chase the longings and passions of your own ! I don’t mind all the pain we go through together on this ride of love as I am confident that I will count on you through all the bitterness and sweetness of life, all the highs and ends.
I think a mother of a boy learns to grow silent even in these early stages of love. Our love is unconditional and unspoken. Mia would tell you about it one day !
Sharon! I heard the stars whispering your name… Galaxies have been expecting the birth of your supernova, and the angels stood still observing, agreeing, and falling under your spell. Back then, in the hard times, your voice carried along with me ” in silent whispers and silent tears” ! I remember the caffeinated urge to have your voice soothe me and pull me out of the real world. The mother’s greatness and companionship that your figure goes by is tantalizing. Your voice that echoes hope, compassion, and desire has shaped my identity and maternity. Let’s go a little back in time and roll the pages . I’ll make the rewinding of smooth simplicity.My true companion ,superb friend, and understanding husband ( yes, all these go by Haroon’s name) decided to catch a shooting star on the 10th of July and leave me breathless. I accepted his invitation lovingly ! A voice that ” can warm my face” and a craving to ” faith cannot deceive me”, how could I say a ” NO” to this pale, yet happening dream? Due to political unrest in our country, my dream tanned itself into a dark color.Things cooled off for a while. But something arouse! Sincerely,I thought I wouldn’t leave Mia to enjoy my freedom of mind and spirit. Even though Sharon’s utopia inspired songs cure me, this left me with guilt-ridden feelings. Allowing Haroon to subdue me, I managed to convince myself that one day I’ll tell my little Mia about this magical night ! The awaited day finally arrived. Excitement beat me to the core,butterflies fluttering around my stomach , and fear of disappointment crawled beneath. Now allow me to fast forward the thrill,the spectacular view of people joined by freedom of speech, and the endless list of Sharon’s marvels( her light performance on stage, creative fashion, and peace-loving nature. ) The picture and video speak louder. Now that we are in the ” feared tomorrow”, I realize how good things could come to an end and how dreams like Sharon feather my soul and promise me of another ” UNTIL LATER” , perhaps it will be strikingly captivating my friend. These ” memories ease the pain inside” ! Ill bid my farewell to my worries and leave the sunset to wash it away. Yes , you are the one that sparkles like fireflies! We are facing mornings eye to eye along with your touching voice, sweet Sharon. Now that I turn the page unwillingly,I can hear you singing, ” I feel you fading away…I feel you fading away” .Be the winged- peace of heaven no matter how abstract and visit my dreams so often, always so concrete! Thank you stars for making our worlds merge!
(P.S. Mia don’t be jealous. She is only my music idol. You are, nevertheless, my timeless pearl of eternity!!)
1.Will my baby recognize my perfume when I am around?
2.My poor little thing, how can he/ she manage in a world of darkness? ( since babies don’t have the sight sense well developed).
3.Will she breathe, eat ,and poop normally?
4.How can God protect her from diseases or any harm?
5. Do i have to get my stuff from the grocery store or mall, what if something bad happened to me? Would my baby manage my loss?
6. I am a working mother and I like it, but am I missing on these valuable moments of connection with my baby where I wouldn’t be able to rewind these moments?
7. Am I spooling my baby or am I being too aware ?
8. Will I be her or his best friend? or will I be too outdated?
9. What words do their eyes try to tell us?
10. Will we ever be separated after this lifelong journey of cares?
so , my ladies and especially moms and moms-to-be : if you managed to have asked at least one of these questions, chill out!!! you are pouring all your heart into your maternity job. I have never been so sure of my cooking recipes, or a nightmare turned off once I woke up, or even my senses when craving food as I am certain that this magic potion of love, affection, and compassion will secure my baby and stretch our minds and hearts to accept the differences and adopt her liberty of mind 🙂
Don’t babies have a secret world of their own? Is it me or are my maternity hormones getting me so driven? I would love to know what goes in Mia’s mind when she looks me in the eye.The feelings she tries to communicate are so intense ! Sometimes I wonder how I could find the right words to surround her with my love, warmth, and undivided attention. I think I am settling for letting go of any attempts to perfect these moments and return her the smiles, it should make her feel secure until she starts uttering her words. I have great faith that I will be raising a girl whose presence would make the room feel so home-like ! Our connection is divine and inseparable ! Paint loving dreams in my heart and sketch your wildest dreams my girl. Daddy and mommy will always take your side, move high mountains for your sake, and guard your peace.I owe you this and much more!I am a capable and devoting mom because of you my little girl.